Saturday, August 07, 2004
Repercussions of Janet Jackson's Breast
A study conducted by Dr. John Raymond of Northeastern University finds that the increased sexual arousal caused by Janet Jackson's breast exposure during Superbowl XXXVIII has led to a substantial increase in criminality, drug use, and blindness in society. Dr. Richard Richards of Boston University disputes the conclusions of the Northeastern study. Dr. Richards says, "There is no question that there is a correlation between seeing Janet Jackson's breast and societal problems. What I disagree with is the conclusion of the study. I believe that the sheer horror of Janet Jackson's breast has caused the problems we see today, not sexual arousal."
"We're Nerds and we're Proud!"
Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry and his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, shown at the National Nerd Society Fundraiser dancing to the BG's "Staying Alive."
Miss Colorado Teen USA 2004 Gets Hand Chewed Off
A photo taken of Tori Carter, Miss Colorado Teen USA 2004, ignoring the DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign. Seconds later, the giraffe chewed her hand off and left her with a bloody stump. Ms. Carter was unable to perform in the competition. She says that she will try out for the upcoming Ms. Missing Limb USA competition.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Eat another day...
Kate Jenson, a woman with Donut Addiction Disorder is seen being carried out on a stretcher, after having her bag of donuts stolen from her by her fellow Republicans at a Bush rally.
Dr. Ray Jackman of Cederwood hospital in Texas, who treated the woman stated, "Ms. Jenson has been a donut addict for many years. A donut junkie cannot just go Cold Turkey. They must ease off donuts gradually. The sudden drop of donut level in her bloodstream could very easily have killed her. Ms. Jenson is expected to make a full recovery, but she is lucky to be alive."
Dr. Ray Jackman of Cederwood hospital in Texas, who treated the woman stated, "Ms. Jenson has been a donut addict for many years. A donut junkie cannot just go Cold Turkey. They must ease off donuts gradually. The sudden drop of donut level in her bloodstream could very easily have killed her. Ms. Jenson is expected to make a full recovery, but she is lucky to be alive."
Thirsty Cheney
Dick Cheney is seen below severing his wife Lynne's jugular vein in order to extract a power snack before speaking in front of a crowd of excited Republicans.
Kerry Auditions...
Kerry seen auditioning for the remake of the 1970 classic "Patton," staring George C. Scott.
Kerry stated, "I'm a war hero, a VC killing machine. That makes me not only fit to be President, but Patton as well."
Slick "Rubber Hand" Willy
My right hand is made of rubber, but I don't let it stop me from getting to know the ladies...
"your abominable blog"
I would like to take the opportunity to formally respond to one of my recent commenters.
"I found this website because I am Georgy Russell's sixth grade teacher. I was searching the world wide web for infomration about her. My name is Alicia but she would remember me as Mrs. Ivins.
I just have to say that I think you have some wit to you but very little decency, sir. That young man in that picture is risking his life and you joke about him shooting the foot off of an Iraqi boy.
I wonder how you sleep at night. And I can understand completely why Georgy herself has never left a post on your abominable blog."
Dear Madam,
I am hurt by your comment that my blog is abominable.
My blog might be depraved, horrible -- perhaps even forsaken by God, but Madam, it is not abominable. That word slices into my heart like a dagger.
Madam, you are a Meenie.
"I found this website because I am Georgy Russell's sixth grade teacher. I was searching the world wide web for infomration about her. My name is Alicia but she would remember me as Mrs. Ivins.
I just have to say that I think you have some wit to you but very little decency, sir. That young man in that picture is risking his life and you joke about him shooting the foot off of an Iraqi boy.
I wonder how you sleep at night. And I can understand completely why Georgy herself has never left a post on your abominable blog."
Dear Madam,
I am hurt by your comment that my blog is abominable.
My blog might be depraved, horrible -- perhaps even forsaken by God, but Madam, it is not abominable. That word slices into my heart like a dagger.
Madam, you are a Meenie.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Homeless Comic -- Oy veh
Wow, just when I thought that nothing could get more tasteless than a cancer joke, I read the Homeless Comic's blog. It is a blog that is supposedly written by a homeless guy that is a comedian. Trouble is, he obviously ain't homeless, and he is about as funny as an eviction notice.
Quoted from the Homeless Comic's Wash Me post:
"So I went down to Lake Washington got butt ass naked and washed my clothes and then took my wet clothes off and washed myself. You should smell me right now. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, it was a beautiful day yesterday and I was on the shore laying out naked while my clothes hung from a nearby tree when I started getting worried that my penis and balls would get burned. I looked around hoping to see a tree branch shaped like my penis and balls but there wasn't any, but someone had been sitting on the shore eating peanuts and left the shells all over so I grabbed a big handful and covered my balls and my penis. A peanut shell for my peanut. A peanut shell for my nuts. Perfect."
This moron really needs to be read in detail to be fully believed.
I wish the Homeless Comic would go away and not continue to insult the dignity and sanctify of blogging.
Quoted from the Homeless Comic's Wash Me post:
"So I went down to Lake Washington got butt ass naked and washed my clothes and then took my wet clothes off and washed myself. You should smell me right now. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, it was a beautiful day yesterday and I was on the shore laying out naked while my clothes hung from a nearby tree when I started getting worried that my penis and balls would get burned. I looked around hoping to see a tree branch shaped like my penis and balls but there wasn't any, but someone had been sitting on the shore eating peanuts and left the shells all over so I grabbed a big handful and covered my balls and my penis. A peanut shell for my peanut. A peanut shell for my nuts. Perfect."
This moron really needs to be read in detail to be fully believed.
I wish the Homeless Comic would go away and not continue to insult the dignity and sanctify of blogging.
"Wendy is rubbing my balls"
I just came across this blog. The subject of the post was
"Wendy is rubbing my balls."
The blog goes on as follows:
"today, Wendy and I had a sex marathon. lasted close to 4 hours. may have had something to do with her watching xmen2 - its that whole Hugh Jackman fantasy thing."
I mean, who gives a shit about this guy's sex marathon or that his balls are rubbed by Wendy? He's just taunting guys like me that can't even remember what sex feels like. He's hoping guys like me will be envious and that it will make our sexual depravation even more unbearable. The jerk.
And what kind of woman gets horny watching xmen? I wouldn't even want to have sex with a woman that likes xmen. I don't care how beautiful she is.
Wendy is rubbing my balls... Such teasy crap.
"Wendy is rubbing my balls."
The blog goes on as follows:
"today, Wendy and I had a sex marathon. lasted close to 4 hours. may have had something to do with her watching xmen2 - its that whole Hugh Jackman fantasy thing."
I mean, who gives a shit about this guy's sex marathon or that his balls are rubbed by Wendy? He's just taunting guys like me that can't even remember what sex feels like. He's hoping guys like me will be envious and that it will make our sexual depravation even more unbearable. The jerk.
And what kind of woman gets horny watching xmen? I wouldn't even want to have sex with a woman that likes xmen. I don't care how beautiful she is.
Wendy is rubbing my balls... Such teasy crap.
Monday, August 02, 2004
Three of Six
"I am probably one of the six people who read your blog. No offence, but with twelve million blogs out there and counting that doesn't leave many people a lot of time to go around reading blogs. Some people's blogs probably have zero readers. Some people's blogs are so crappy that they don't even manage to read their own blogs. There should be a special ring of hell opened up just for these people but that is something I will discuss on my own blog which I am going to call Dickie Richards: Genius? or Pathetic Whiner?
Now, I am glad that there are no photos of me out there on the web as I know you would make hideous fun of me. But seriously... let me get to why your web program might not be selling. Try this: What the fuck is it? Look at the text:
Visual Menu is a cross-browser, client-side, DHTML menu that was made for people who want to create powerful, stylish web menus with minimal effort.
I quit reading Dickie. I just stopped. Now, I grant that I am a technophobe. But I am not an idiot. (I think.) Ass soon as a computer nurd uses the phrase "cross-browser", my eyes cross and I fall into a brief narcoleptic coma. Who is this program for because it sure as shit ain't me or the other five people who read your blog.
Here are some ideas for programs you can write:
A flash program where you get to throw a pie at Bush. If it has been done please post the URL.
A program where you get to make love to lots of beautiful women.
A program that will teach me how to make love to lots of beautiful women instead of spending my time reading amusing blogs.
A program that helps me calculate how stupid the American people are becoming.
A program that will help John Kerry win the election.
See, those are programs that will sell.
Just some thoughts.
-- Three of Six
# posted by Anonymous : 8/2/2004 03:10:09 PM"
Three of Six,
I will have you know that I have certifiable, indisputable, unmistakable, and incontrovertible evidence that seven people read this blog. Not six! So Ha!
Ha!
I showed you!
Now that I've said that, let me add that I fully embrace the idea of your doing a Dickie Richards: Genius? or Pathetic Whiner? blog. In fact, if you do this, I will place a link to your blog from this blog. I think it's a great idea.
Some day someone will push the envelope of blogging even further than I have. They will make a blog about a blog about a blog. For example, they might call it:
A Bored Young Guy's Blog about A Lonely Old Buy's Blog about Georgy Russsell's Blog
This would revolutionize blogging. It would be the blog that puts all other blogs to shame. It would truly be the blog where no blog has ever gone before.
To return to your earlier point that there ain't a lot of people here. Part of the reason, I think, is poor marketing on my part. I have always felt that promotion was beneath me. Part of the problem, also, is that the left wingers think that I am beneath them, so they ignore me like I don't exist. I think that perhaps the left sees me as too crass, vulgar, and pedestrian for their tastes. The left is always trying to appeal to people's intellect. I think this is a bad approach. I prefer to appeal to people on a gut emotional level like the right. The right are master propagandists. The left could learn a lot from the right.
The right-wingers don't even know I exist. I was hoping to get some right-wing hate mail to share with everyone, but I have been saying subversive things for years on the web and bashing the right, and they just ignore me. And, well, fuck, I want them to give me a little fodder. A little hate, so I can expose them.
Now, regarding the program, I appreciate your giving it a look, but dude, I'm sorry, but "cross-browser" is not rocket science. It just means the program works on many different browsers. If you have some wording that you think might be less scary, please share that with me. Why not run the program and see how it is. I'm getting downloads. People are downloading the program, so the documentation can't be that scary for everyone. The trouble is that the downloads aren't translating into the almighty dollar.
Now, I am glad that there are no photos of me out there on the web as I know you would make hideous fun of me. But seriously... let me get to why your web program might not be selling. Try this: What the fuck is it? Look at the text:
Visual Menu is a cross-browser, client-side, DHTML menu that was made for people who want to create powerful, stylish web menus with minimal effort.
I quit reading Dickie. I just stopped. Now, I grant that I am a technophobe. But I am not an idiot. (I think.) Ass soon as a computer nurd uses the phrase "cross-browser", my eyes cross and I fall into a brief narcoleptic coma. Who is this program for because it sure as shit ain't me or the other five people who read your blog.
Here are some ideas for programs you can write:
A flash program where you get to throw a pie at Bush. If it has been done please post the URL.
A program where you get to make love to lots of beautiful women.
A program that will teach me how to make love to lots of beautiful women instead of spending my time reading amusing blogs.
A program that helps me calculate how stupid the American people are becoming.
A program that will help John Kerry win the election.
See, those are programs that will sell.
Just some thoughts.
-- Three of Six
# posted by Anonymous : 8/2/2004 03:10:09 PM"
Three of Six,
I will have you know that I have certifiable, indisputable, unmistakable, and incontrovertible evidence that seven people read this blog. Not six! So Ha!
Ha!
I showed you!
Now that I've said that, let me add that I fully embrace the idea of your doing a Dickie Richards: Genius? or Pathetic Whiner? blog. In fact, if you do this, I will place a link to your blog from this blog. I think it's a great idea.
Some day someone will push the envelope of blogging even further than I have. They will make a blog about a blog about a blog. For example, they might call it:
A Bored Young Guy's Blog about A Lonely Old Buy's Blog about Georgy Russsell's Blog
This would revolutionize blogging. It would be the blog that puts all other blogs to shame. It would truly be the blog where no blog has ever gone before.
To return to your earlier point that there ain't a lot of people here. Part of the reason, I think, is poor marketing on my part. I have always felt that promotion was beneath me. Part of the problem, also, is that the left wingers think that I am beneath them, so they ignore me like I don't exist. I think that perhaps the left sees me as too crass, vulgar, and pedestrian for their tastes. The left is always trying to appeal to people's intellect. I think this is a bad approach. I prefer to appeal to people on a gut emotional level like the right. The right are master propagandists. The left could learn a lot from the right.
The right-wingers don't even know I exist. I was hoping to get some right-wing hate mail to share with everyone, but I have been saying subversive things for years on the web and bashing the right, and they just ignore me. And, well, fuck, I want them to give me a little fodder. A little hate, so I can expose them.
Now, regarding the program, I appreciate your giving it a look, but dude, I'm sorry, but "cross-browser" is not rocket science. It just means the program works on many different browsers. If you have some wording that you think might be less scary, please share that with me. Why not run the program and see how it is. I'm getting downloads. People are downloading the program, so the documentation can't be that scary for everyone. The trouble is that the downloads aren't translating into the almighty dollar.
Personal Note to Blogbrains and Loyal Fans
Dear Blogbrains, Blogollas, and Loyal Fans,
This blog has taken a rather unusual turn in that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to discuss anything with you. All I can do is show photos of people and bash them. The original mission of this blog -- to blog about Georgy Russell's blog seems to have been completely lost.
Georgy seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. I have actually been in contact with Georgy's father, or at least someone who says he is Georgy's father -- I have no way of verifying this information, though my gut instinct tells me that it is. He contacted me first. He told me that Georgy was an exceptionally cute baby, and he would provide me with the URLs of some cute Georgy baby photos, but he never got back to me. Perhaps the recent insanity that has come over this blog has scared him off. If Georgy's father is reading this, he should know that I only vent my anger against Republicans, suck-up Democrats like Kerry, and Korperate Amerika. Vegetarians bother me a little too, as evidenced by one of my prior blogs.
The reason for my bash craze, is that my life has really gone to shit. A software program that I had been working on for 2 1/2 years failed miserably. And for the life of me, I have no clue why this is, as I really feel it excels above all my competitors. Without an additional revenue stream, I will be living on the street. It is only a matter of time.
If people reading this blog were willing to evaluate this program for me, and give me some feedback, it would be immeasurably helpful, and I would be willing to cut them a very good deal.
http://codehouse.com/products/menu
This blog has taken a rather unusual turn in that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to discuss anything with you. All I can do is show photos of people and bash them. The original mission of this blog -- to blog about Georgy Russell's blog seems to have been completely lost.
Georgy seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. I have actually been in contact with Georgy's father, or at least someone who says he is Georgy's father -- I have no way of verifying this information, though my gut instinct tells me that it is. He contacted me first. He told me that Georgy was an exceptionally cute baby, and he would provide me with the URLs of some cute Georgy baby photos, but he never got back to me. Perhaps the recent insanity that has come over this blog has scared him off. If Georgy's father is reading this, he should know that I only vent my anger against Republicans, suck-up Democrats like Kerry, and Korperate Amerika. Vegetarians bother me a little too, as evidenced by one of my prior blogs.
The reason for my bash craze, is that my life has really gone to shit. A software program that I had been working on for 2 1/2 years failed miserably. And for the life of me, I have no clue why this is, as I really feel it excels above all my competitors. Without an additional revenue stream, I will be living on the street. It is only a matter of time.
If people reading this blog were willing to evaluate this program for me, and give me some feedback, it would be immeasurably helpful, and I would be willing to cut them a very good deal.
http://codehouse.com/products/menu
Sunday, August 01, 2004
The Rudolph Theory
Lately, I've been developing this theory that everyone named Rudolph is evil. If you have any supporting evidence, or evidence to the contrary, please comment here.
Rudolf Hess
Rudolph W. Giuliani
Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer
Rudolf Hess
Rudolph W. Giuliani
Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer
Victor Boc
I have never actually heard Victor Boc. I saw his Ted Bundy-like face on a page featuring conservative talk show hosts.
I could not resist making fun of him, as he is such a dorky bastard, and I have had the worst day, and the worst life, and I just feel like bashing some asshole featured on a conservative talk show host page.
Hi, I'm Victor Boc, Radio Talk Show Host Extroidinare
Some days I like to go outside, and talk to myself. Nobody arrests me, because I'm a big-shot radio talk show host, although one day, a woman once walked up to me and told me that I should be arrested by the fashion police. I was insulted. I think I am a very sharp dresser.
This is my friend, Bob. He has really nice breasts.
I like to sit on this. It vibrates.
I'm just pressing buttons.
Oooh, I'm CRAZY!!! Better watch out, wildman in the house.
I could not resist making fun of him, as he is such a dorky bastard, and I have had the worst day, and the worst life, and I just feel like bashing some asshole featured on a conservative talk show host page.
Hi, I'm Victor Boc, Radio Talk Show Host Extroidinare
Some days I like to go outside, and talk to myself. Nobody arrests me, because I'm a big-shot radio talk show host, although one day, a woman once walked up to me and told me that I should be arrested by the fashion police. I was insulted. I think I am a very sharp dresser.
This is my friend, Bob. He has really nice breasts.
I like to sit on this. It vibrates.
I'm just pressing buttons.
Oooh, I'm CRAZY!!! Better watch out, wildman in the house.
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