Sunday, August 22, 2004 Internet Radio on the air

As of tonight, 5 p.m. Pacific Time, The Internet Radio show will be live on the air! Go to for more info.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Message to Board Members

Dear Surviving Board Members,

Please be advised that LPT has given me administrative privileges. Accordingly, I have fixed the problems which have handicapped this board, at least I think I have.

While I have taken steps to fix the board, I still believe that it is dead. It was the small but prolific community of base members that we used to have which made this board what it was. I still feel awful that the board disintegrated. I am always pointing fingers. It is probably a combination of events. However, when Ketsuke vanished for many months to go off to Iraq, I think that it was the beginning of the end. Wars are terrible. They kill more than just people, they kill communities. It's very sad.

All hope is not lost however. I have just about all of my equipment and, if all goes well, will hopefully broadcast the pilot of my radio show on Sunday. If not this Sunday, then the week after. I insist that Ketsuke do at least one guest appearance on my show. PG is invited as well. I am also doing a segment called "Women Across the World who have Rejected Me," and I will surely invite Jane to be on my show to explain why she rejected me. I will be very upset if she declines. Besides, she has the sexiest, cutest Welsh accent, and I'd love to just hear her voice.

More news about the radio show will be forthcoming shortly.

Please keep in touch. All hope is not lost. There is still a chance for the spirit of LPT to prevail, even if the board does not.

--Your Fearless De Facto Leader

Monday, August 09, 2004

Radio Show Just Around the Corner

Dear Blogbrains and Loyal Fans,

Please be advised that my radio is just around the corner. I have finally gotten a mixer and gotten everything working, though I have not tested streaming the audio. I have just ordered a phone number with Vonage. It is a San Francisco number. The equipment should come in a week.

I plan to host the show on I have not yet come up with a name for the show. Make sure to check back within a week, so that you don't miss the pilot show!

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Arnold J. Babar, Moron and Asshole

Dear Blogbrains, Blogollas, and Blogettes,

I would like to focus your attention to a disturbing essay entitled Dictator on Trial: Does Saddam Deserve the Benefits of Legal Rights, written by Arnold J. Babar, one of the myriad of Rush Limbaugh wannabees that pollute our world with their horseshit and vitriol.

I do not have time for an in depth review. The point of Babar's essay is unclear. Babar, in his infantile logic seems to be arguing that Saddam, because he is so evil, does not deserve due process under the law. Babar has already convicted Saddam without a trial. Also, Babar seems to think that even if Saddam was placed on trial that it would be somehow fair. But I think that most people think this as well. Who appointed the judges who are presiding over the trial? Saddam? No. I don't think so. Democratically elected officials. Fuck no. Let me tell you: The fucking Imperial Empire of the United States.

I'll leave you with Babar's closing quote. I think it speaks for itself. I don't know why inane fuckolas like Babar can't just go away and let everyone else live in peace. We oughta buy the Babars of the world "Charles in Charge" compilation DVDs to keep the tiny gears of their little brains occupied so that they don't vote for motherfuckers like Bush.

"Let us only hope that Saddam will get what he deserves: raped to death by women in the streets of Baghdad while a crowd gathers round to take in the show. Perhaps Al Jazeera will broadcast the festivities to the rest of the Middle East. A true showcase of the punishment that this awful man richly deserves. Dictatorial justice indeed."

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Repercussions of Janet Jackson's Breast

A study conducted by Dr. John Raymond of Northeastern University finds that the increased sexual arousal caused by Janet Jackson's breast exposure during Superbowl XXXVIII has led to a substantial increase in criminality, drug use, and blindness in society. Dr. Richard Richards of Boston University disputes the conclusions of the Northeastern study. Dr. Richards says, "There is no question that there is a correlation between seeing Janet Jackson's breast and societal problems. What I disagree with is the conclusion of the study. I believe that the sheer horror of Janet Jackson's breast has caused the problems we see today, not sexual arousal."

"We're Nerds and we're Proud!"

Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry and his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, shown at the National Nerd Society Fundraiser dancing to the BG's "Staying Alive."

Miss Colorado Teen USA 2004 Gets Hand Chewed Off

A photo taken of Tori Carter, Miss Colorado Teen USA 2004, ignoring the DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign. Seconds later, the giraffe chewed her hand off and left her with a bloody stump. Ms. Carter was unable to perform in the competition. She says that she will try out for the upcoming Ms. Missing Limb USA competition.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Eat another day...

Kate Jenson, a woman with Donut Addiction Disorder is seen being carried out on a stretcher, after having her bag of donuts stolen from her by her fellow Republicans at a Bush rally.

Dr. Ray Jackman of Cederwood hospital in Texas, who treated the woman stated, "Ms. Jenson has been a donut addict for many years. A donut junkie cannot just go Cold Turkey. They must ease off donuts gradually. The sudden drop of donut level in her bloodstream could very easily have killed her. Ms. Jenson is expected to make a full recovery, but she is lucky to be alive."

Thirsty Cheney

Dick Cheney is seen below severing his wife Lynne's jugular vein in order to extract a power snack before speaking in front of a crowd of excited Republicans.

Kerry Auditions...

Kerry seen auditioning for the remake of the 1970 classic "Patton," staring George C. Scott.

Kerry stated, "I'm a war hero, a VC killing machine. That makes me not only fit to be President, but Patton as well."

Slick "Rubber Hand" Willy

My right hand is made of rubber, but I don't let it stop me from getting to know the ladies...

"your abominable blog"

I would like to take the opportunity to formally respond to one of my recent commenters.

"I found this website because I am Georgy Russell's sixth grade teacher. I was searching the world wide web for infomration about her. My name is Alicia but she would remember me as Mrs. Ivins.

I just have to say that I think you have some wit to you but very little decency, sir. That young man in that picture is risking his life and you joke about him shooting the foot off of an Iraqi boy.

I wonder how you sleep at night. And I can understand completely why Georgy herself has never left a post on your abominable blog."

Dear Madam,

I am hurt by your comment that my blog is abominable.

My blog might be depraved, horrible -- perhaps even forsaken by God, but Madam, it is not abominable. That word slices into my heart like a dagger.

Madam, you are a Meenie.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004