Liespeopletell.com Lunacy

Below is a message I posted to Duke in the Liespeopletell.com forums today. It was once probably the greatest BBS on the net. Now it is one of the many causalities of Gulf War II.

Duke wrote:

"Sorry about not answering in a timely manner. I have been rather busy killing terrorists with a dull plastic knife. Killing heathens that do not believe in the perfection of our motherland, and the infinite wisdom of our leaders is a time consuming task.
I am sorry I could not help myself. Remember that I am the farthest from that kind of flag-waving-jesus-worshipping-homosexual-hating-suv-driving-so-called-patriotic-american. I am what the right does not like: A pagan Bisexual man that serves in the armed forces and is a extremely liberal Democrat to boot. Ok now that we got that out of the way, let us continue.

The reason why I have been so busy is because I met someone new. What I think is so funny is that he is also in uncle sams paycheck. Also, it is kind of hard to maintain 3 relationships and one separation going. I have a boyfriend in Georgia, a girlfriend in Rhode Island a soon-to-be ex espouse in Nevada, and a boyfriend in Germany. The amount of time and inventiness (is that a word?) that it takes to maintain these three separate people is running me ragged.

I am unsurprised that a place like LBP.com dissaeared. The madness that was ever-present must have consumed it, creating an implosion, a black hole.... I only hope that some of the close-mindeness from some of its members went with it.

I realize that this place is also moribund, and there is not much we can do for it, but continue to believe or failing that, ease its pain. This is Duke from Germany."

Dickie wrote:

I agree that you are not your typical flag-waving American. If you had not participated in the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation, I would not be needling you. If it becomes too much needling, let me know, and I will stop, although I doubt if I could ever resist calling you a smegma penised, uncircumcised gentile.

During the Imperial conquest Iraq, I divorced myself from Republicanism completely. There was an imaginary line that was drawn between me and them. I will not so much as talk to a Republican, unless he is giving me orders that I must follow in order to keep a roof over my head. The Right is an insidious cancer I believe, that must be extricated! I cannot extricate it alone, yet hope to get the bread together soon to do my Internet Radio program so that I could expose this vile carcinogen.

I like you, Duke. I really do. I am not just saying this to mitigate what I am about to say, yet it is very unclear to me whether you are my enemy or my friend. I do not know. You say that you are not a flag waiver, and yet you voluntarily assist the fascists to accomplish their mission of death, destruction, subjugation, and exploitation. So I am confused. Are you with me, or are you against me? You may not believe in the fascist's goals, yet directly or indirectly, you have helped them. The system cannot work without collusion.

I believe I understand your position, that I wasn't there, I have no idea why you were there, yet I know what a WMD is, and I know that they sure as shit don't have them in Iraq. I know enough to know that that invasion was illegal, immoral, and wrong, and no matter what your reasoning is, by definition you acted immorally by being involved in that imperial campaign.

I'm sorry if I have offended you. Because of the line I have drawn, I must consider you my enemy. Yet, on the other hand, you really don't seem like my enemy, and even if you are my enemy, I don't think it's worthwhile to alienate you, for while you might be my enemy today, you might not be tomorrow.

I hope that we can continue to keep an open dialog. I really don't want to fight with you. There have been some people on this board that I have deliberately set out to crush because of their political views, but I have no interest in crushing you. As I said, if I am giving you too much of a pain in the ass, I will stop.

I had to look up that word you used, moribund in the dictionary. You know, it was your persistence and loyalty to this institution, even when its founder aborted it, that convinced me to come back. I will continue to post here, so long as you are here.

LBP was an evil place. I believe that Runa is really a demoness. Perhaps the daughter of the Dark Prince himself, yet I am confident that we can rise above the evil. Also, I am confident that you will not spare me the details of what seems to be a very exciting sex life, though I really would find it far more exciting if you had sex with women.

Friday night drunken rampage

Dear Blograins,

Why do you think I call you blograins?

Because you suck. You're morons. Assholes. At the risk of sounding clichéd, you suck big elephant penis. In fact you suck worse than that. You suck the nastiest, gamiest penis available -- my penis!

I hate you. I hate you all. And next week when I get drunk, I hope to tell you of my disdain in an even crasser way, ya' lousy fuck bastards.

O what losers you are. LOSERS! You people have lost so much in life, you make me look like a winner. Fucks. Bastards.

Don't take it personally though..

My own Band of McBrothers

Dear Blogbrains,

Kerry has his Band of Brothers. They go with him everywhere. He is a big man because he saved their lives tens times over, or something like that.

I respect John Kerry. Not too many people could be a big war hero, turn peacenik, then be responsible for voting for 500+ American boys to die in Iraq for no reason at all. Kerry is a Man's Man. If he wants to vote to send our boys to die, well, fuck, they're men, and they could handle a little death. That's what being a big man is all about. And Kerry is a big, big man. He's got a whole band O' brother's to prove it!

I think it's bullshit though that Kerry has a band of brothers, and I don't, for I am also a big man, though not nearly as big as Kerry. I am going to get my own band of brothers. My own entourage to follow me everywhere. I am not a vet, so these brothers would have to be civilian. Perhaps they could be uniformed though. They could be my brothers from McDonald's were I once worked. We could call them the Band of McBrothers. How's that? My brother's would reek of quarter pounder, grease, and minimum wage. It would be one fuck of a brotherhood, let me tell ya.

Nancy Pelosi and Michael Jackson the same person?

I really like Nancy Pelosi. I don't have any real opinions about Michael Jackson, other than he's really weird.

Look at the pic of Pelosi below, then look at the face of Michael in the pic below that. Do you notice a strong similarity, or am I crazy?





I believe that it is really Nancy Pelosi that is with Liz Taylor, and that the House Minority Leader of the United States Congress is really Michael Jackson. They are one and the same. I am a little disappointed though that Nancy Pelosi sings such crappy songs with her hand on her crotch.

My Nose Herpes Scare

Dear Blogbrains,

I was just watching BCTV (A Catholic Network), and there was this weird show called Generation Cross, that was so weird that despite the fact that I am Jewish and an atheist, I could not resist watching it. And they offer this poster. It has all the cast members. And it the lamest, goofiest poster I have ever seen, and I wanted it, and the price was right -- it was free, and they say, go to our website, generationcross.com to get it, and I looked, and it wasn't there. They lied to me. Bastard sinning liars!

Okay, so I told you in my last blog that I would get to my herpes scare -- specifically my nose herpes scare, and when I say something I mean it.

Over the summer, all the sudden, I started getting all this puss in my nose. It was from these nasty scabs that were forming inside my nose. You would not know it from looking at me. It was thoroughly horrible. And I kept deluding myself … it will go away … it will go away … and I let it go for months and months. And then I see my GP. She gives me some steroid cream to put in my nose, but that makes me nauseas, so I stop taking it. I let several months go by, and then I see the internist again, and she says, you bet see a Ear Nose & Throat Doc. She tells me it might be eczema or HERPES. Eczema I can handle. I have it on my hands. It's not caused by an organic pathogen and it's not contagious but HERPES!!!

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS. O LORD JESUS DON'T LET IT BE HERPES … DO NOT FORSAKE ME.

And I say to her, "is nose herpes contagious?" and she says it is, that I could even spread it by kissing someone.

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, GOD????

I haven't had sex for millions of billions of years, and even during the Jurassic period when I did have sex, I never had unsafe sex with my nose. In fact, I never even had sex with my nose, or put my nose remotely in a position where it could be contaminated by the evil herpes virus.

HOW COULD I HAVE HERPES? IT IS GOD. HE MUST EXIST. OR AT LEAST SATAN MUST EXIST, AND SATAN IS PUNISHING ME.

So I waited 2 months for an appointment with the specialist doc. (I already know this guy, he treated my reflux laryngitis.) And he knows what the fuck is wrong with my nose, right away. It's a staph infection. This thing is caused by a bacteria. He says it's very common. And I ask him if it's contagious, and he says "Yeah. In order to infect someone you would have to stick your finger in your nose and then stick your finger in someone else's nose, or in an open wound." This is not too easy to do. He gave this antibiotic cream. It is god-awful, and I have to jam this stuff up my nostril with q-tips. It brings tears to my eyes and it makes my nose run like hell. It's brutal shit.

Staph infections are known to circulate in hospitals, and I am fairly confident that I know exactly where I got it, as I was going for a medical appointment in a hospital at around the same exact time this crap started.

Well, I don't have herpes. No herpes here. Those ads on TV where these herpes people are running around on the beach all happy with there mates... well I ain't never gonna be that happy, because I DON'T HAVE HERPES!

The moral of the story is, don't pick your fucking nose!

Caving to the demands of millions of fans

Dear Blogbrains,

I have tried to distance myself from this blog. What is the point of this blog, I say to myself. Who cares? What is the worst that could happen if I stop insulting all you millions of blogbrain idiots? You'll live. You'll go on with your meaningless lives. Your banal existences. You might not know how exactly you will live, but you will somehow carve out a pathetic existence without my blog.

Yet, when I see the thousands of e-mails pouring into my inbox every day, begging me to come back, begging me to give you more abuse, I just can't resist but give you what you crave and desire.

Brethren blogbrains. I cannot and will not abandon you. I will fight on. Fight onward and upwards. And I will give you the blog dope that you yearn. You will feel lightheaded and happy to be alive. You will be high. Really high. You will not even give a shit that you've never had sex in your life, nor ever will.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

So in the forthcoming weeks, I plan to cover the following topics:

--My nose herpes scare

--To hell with Kuch. I voted for Sharpton.

--The scary picture of the beautiful woman who broke my heart

--Freedom.gov, one of the many fascist, propagandist websites owned and operated by the US government to brainwash the multitudes

--John Kerry vs. George W. Bush: Clash of the Retards.

--John Kerry: Is he running for president or is this just a conspiracy to buy ketchup.

-Georgy: A woman that I would really like to have as my Governor and make love to.