I used to live in fear of chocking to death on a chicken bone and going to hell, because I was a sinner. But now that I have a God-fearing Heimlich Maneuver expert ready to eject any food lodged in my throat at any given moment, and to preach to me the teachings of the good Lord, I know that my soul will be saved. I don't even mind that he's a crusty baldy and his hands are as clammy as a slug. Thank you Jesus! And thank you BigChurch.com
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