The Truth About "Barney"

I had a horrifying epiphany while watching "Barney" the other day. He is not the friendly dinosaur he pretends to be.

If Barney's head were shrunk to about half its size. If big spiny scales were added to his back. If his skin was not purple but dark and porous. If he was as tall as a skyscraper. If instead of singing obnoxious songs with pretentious children, he made booming honk-like grunts and flattened fleeing Japanese like bugs, this would be Godzilla.

This, I believe, is a conspiracy set forth by the liberal elite who control Public Television, to subvert the minds of youth.